I must be delivered from my obsession to be loved. This obsession enslaves me to the feelings of others. I do not need to be loved by others, for I am cherished by the one who is love at it’s fullest. When Jesus is the final source of my love, my enslavement to others ends. I will be free to fully love them.
The reason why I am, and you are, so angry at those around you is because you are enslaved to them. You need them. You need them to praise you, accept you, think well of you. You may consider yourself one of those who doesn't care what people think, I thought that too. But perhaps we are wrong. If we analyze almost everything we do, it is usually for our own glorification. For example, we take on too much responsibility at church, work, school, etc. because we fear saying no. Why do we fear saying no? Because we will look bad and we will receive a reputation of negativity. Why do we care what we look like so much, how much weight we lose, how strong we are? Because we want approval. We use people to encourage us, to affirm us, to love us. We find our worth in them without even knowing it.
Now this is not all bad. There is something naturally within ourselves that lends to our desire to please....but I think too many of us are letting this control us. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look decent, to be liked, to be loved, to be reputable. God made us with a need to be loved, to be glorified and to be whole. But do you know truly why he made us like this? He wanted to affirm us! He desired us so much, that he made us with an overwhelming need for love so that he could love us himself! He wanted to be our fulfillment, our covenant keeper, or lover.
So you know what? Stop faking your godliness and trust Jesus with it instead. Stop it. Now. You are broken and I am broken and we are so hurt by people we sometimes can't stand it. Our innermost being cries out for people to love us and we are wounded deeply because they just don't. We are broken people who desire other broken people's love to help us feel less broken about ourselves...and then we break more when they just can't love us. Silly sounding, isn't it? Romans 8:18-21 says,
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God."
Jesus made us for glory. Not for our earthly glory that we all unknowingly seek. We all have that secret thought that maybe one day we will change the world, we will be discovered, talented, famous, loved, rich, powerful. Perhaps you want to make a difference and you disguise the real reason with your desire, "to just change the world for God." Sometimes I think many of us, in our confusion, want to become great. Why? Because within your world changing and your greatness, your name will be known. Many will love you, will look up to you, will need you. This makes us feel good, like we are special in this world. Guess what? You were special that day that you sinned so bad that you thought Christ could never love you again. You were special right out of the womb, before anyone knew your name. You can remain nameless, sinful, and broken and you are still special. Stop needing others to affirm this. Christ give us a hope. This hope is that we are so special that one day we will be utterly known and loved by the only love that ever mattered. By him.
Now that I understand that I must find all of my glorification in Christ, I am free to love others. You see, when we are so concerned about our status and reputation, we are enslaved to others. This causes us to loathe them. How can we love those who enslave us.....we can't! It wouldn't be natural. So there is an easy solution.....stop needing to be loved by others, and you will finally be able to passionately love them yourself. You will stop being so concerned with what glory they can give you, and start being concerned with helping them achieve glory in Christ.
When you stop needing love from those around you, and start needing Christ's love only, your bonds will be broken. We are pre-destined to be God's daughters and sons, loved radically by him. (Ephesians 1:5-8). We are heirs to Christ's kingdom and the receivers of all his promises. (Ephesians 3:6). God has CHOSEN us to be dearly loved. (Colossians 3:12)
If we are chosen by Jesus, we don't need anyone else anymore. We don't need them to glorify us, to edify us and to choose us. We were already hand-picked by Christ himself as a child. Now that we know this, let's relearn what it truly means to find ALL of our identity in Christ. As we find our identity in him, we find our freedom to love everyone else too.
your hands remind me of days when the created worked and toiled and fought for their land. your eyes are deeper than oceans and hint of days spent reading about England and Narnia, places your face is familiar with. how the time passed us quickly. Your mannerisms are silent studies on the beauty of a life that i failed at. there is magic in the mundane.
your eyes are ancient because you are ancient, dating back to when whispers of flesh flung deep into your dirt filled ears, and you arose. you danced for a maker who knew not of ipods and college and complexities and travesties. you danced for a man who laughed in his delight, and you spent your days gazing upon the feat of a being called woman. perhaps she could have been me. you fell in love. you saw destruction. you were there and were in existence and saw the magic of the world painted into vision. take me back into the pool of truth. take me back to the simplicities of pure beauty, and i promise i will run in the meadows littered with lilies that were Heaven’s extras. i will laugh in the sunrise of a day pierced with violets of passion. we will be exposed, naked in the garden, and the truth will set us free.
build a tree fort with me. high up in the brown branches where no one can find us ever again. paint the wood a peach shade and we will make maps of our lives on the wall. cut a hole in the ceiling so we can lay in a yellow blanket and watch the stars cry for us. bleed your life’s story to me and i will whisper my unforgivable secrets to you. you will kiss the tips of my fingers and tell me you love me even still. we will fall asleep dew drenched and with the scent of the forest tinging our skin for an eternity. build a tree fort with me and we will escape to the past forever.
i feel hollow. emotions peeking around the edges, creating such an intense loneliness that i cannot bear it, yet would not trade it for what i’ve been. i feel hollow, because i want what i cant have, i yearn, i beg, i ache for something that is just out of my reach. hollow with the remnants of hope, because i know one day i will live in the beauty of it’s splendor, but hollow because that day is not today.
Hey, friend! I'm Chelsie!
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