​Sweet Miraculous Indy decided to come a week after her due date on August 12th.

It seems I am always cooking my kiddos a little longer. I was convinced that a back rub from my dad is what put me into labor with Amelia. So after being a week late, I decided to give that ago again to see if my hunch was right. My dad and mom popped over our house and whenever he rubbed my lower back, I would feel a weird tingly feeling just like I felt with Amelia. I felt like maybe it was the night! After, Ryan and I watched a show and snuggled Amelia and then went to bed.

At 12am (just like with Amelia, which is weird!) I woke up with cramps and told Ryan I thought I was in labor. My water didn't break like before, but they were definitely contractions.

Around 4am, they were pretty annoying so I got up and showered. I blow dried my hair because I had just gotten bangs and wanted them to look good. Haha. Priorities! I told Ryan I was going to pack the bags and get everything ready. I was anticipating it all going WAY faster than with Amelia. By the time I got contractions, we ended up in the hospital a few hours later. Not the case this time.
By 7am, they were 20 minutes apart but stayed pretty consistent so we decided to wait at home until they got fairly unbearable. Amelia was not feeling the drama and kept crying when I would have a contraction. It was SO sad!

At around 9am, they were 7 minutes apart and pretty strong. But I could still talk in between the contractions. I didn't feel like I could do that with Amelia's, so I told Ryan to go to his meetings and I would just call him when I needed him to come home.

Around 12pm, they seemed to slow down and almost go away. They weren't bad at all and I got so freaked out that I was in false labor and alerted everyone for nothing. How embarrassing! Ryan came home and brought me Wendy's. I was in good spirits and we made out a bunch and spent time together while Amelia napped. ;) It was such a weird thing to have no idea if you were gonna have a kid that day or not.

Around 2pm, the contractions started again. They were 6 minutes apart and way stronger. I kept thinking I was imagining it, and then a contraction would hit and I would yell "nope, it's real, it's real!!"

At 3pm, my sister and my mom came over. They brought me a yummy coconut milkshake. They also thought my contractions were super funny and decided to film them for me to remember. lol. See video below. Thanks guys ;)

At 4:30pm, is when it got bad. I felt like I couldn't breathe and kept saying "I feel like my bottom half is being sawed off!" Which made everyone laugh more. ;) Amelia was getting nervous and I couldn't talk in between them anymore.

​At around 5pm, I told Ryan all the sudden "we need to go. I can't do it anymore." He knew it was time because I had been super stubborn up until that point. Amelia stayed with Auntie Cassidy and my dad and we left.

Ryan drove like a crazy guy to the hospital because I kept yelling "we waited too long. this was dumb! I can feel her coming out!" He was terrified, I'm sure. lol.
After checking in, I was almost 5 cm dilated and 100% effaced. Praise the Lord! I was so worried I wouldn't be dilated at all. I was in that level of pain with Amelia and had only been at 1 cm! So I was pumped I had made it that long. Ryan was the sweetest and talked me through every contraction.

At around 7pm, I opted for the epidural again at 7cm. I was proud to have made it that long and felt like maybeeee I could have powered through this time (never in a million years could I do it with Amelia's birth), but once I got it, I was so much more focused and calm. So yay for epidurals!

All my fam showed up around this time to root me on. And YES, I let them all in the room. Haha. Everyone is always so surprised at this. Do what makes you comfortable! But for me, I loved having all my siblings and family there to pray over me and celebrate. (and the rooms were big, so they could just hang out in the chairs and not see the private bits). :) Amelia hung out in the waiting room with her Uncle Dawson.

​At 7:45pm, I started to get shaky and nauseous. They checked Indy's heart rate, but were having a hard time finding it. I was freaking out and so worried. They checked my dilation and it turns out, Indy was headed down the birth canal and that was the reason she wasn't fully in my tummy anymore. They immediately yelled for the doctor and started yelling at me to push.

Action Time: This was honestly the HARDEST part. I had no ability to hold the sides of the bed this time and felt really out of control. I panicked a little bit and kept asking my mom "can I do this???" I started crying because I was worried about Amelia and so scared about everything changing.

We took a second and my mom gave me the BEST mama pep talk. And my family prayed over us and for Indy, for protection and joy as she entered the world.

Indy Babe Arrives: After this, I pushed twice and Indy popped right out. We were all crying and so happy it was over and she was here. I felt so much better once I SAW her. I had been SO worried that my first labor went so well, that something was bound to go wrong. But even though it was harder, everything went so right. God blessed us AGAIN. Every time we think he is done blessing us, he keeps lavishing us with his love.

We took photos, cuddled Indy, and prayed again. After a while, Amelia came in to meet her. She was so happy to see us and kept saying "baby" but I don't think she knew it was our baby. Seeing them together just felt right. It didn't feel sad or weird. It felt good. She was able to hold Indy a couple days later and has fallen right into being an amazing big sister.


It's been an incredible first couple of months with Indy. It has also been so much easier emotionally for me because I knew what to expect and how to cultivate joy in the midst of a really emotional season. We've been enjoying our family of four and I could never imagine life without my sweet Indy girl now. I'm so excited to watch her and Amelia grow up together!

I had posted on my instagram a couple weeks ago that this pregnancy has just flown by! All the things I had planned on doing - a baby blessing party, maternity photos, getting our house ready - have all been put on the back burner as Indy is popping into our world so quick. We couldn't be happier, but I was feeling a little sad that I didn't feel like we got to properly celebrate.

And an amazing friend reached out and offered to take our maternity photos....only one week out from birth. She is such an incredible photographer and was so flexible....she even offered to dual write the photos to our memory card so we could quickly edit and post them. Seriously, if you're looking for someone in the central Florida area, Haley Martin with Native Expressions in the bomb.com. (Does anyone even say that anymore??) Oh well! Book her!

She snapped us doing what we do best....roaming around at the beach with Amelia, getting sandy, and making out way too much. We are so looking forward to adding to our fam in just one week.....we are ready for you Indy! (Especially Amelia, who is furiously excited for a baby sister).

I'm here with my husband Ryan today and we are sharing our 5 tips for healthy communication in our marriage!
For all the deets, listen to our full podcast below.

​I met Ryan when he was 11 years old and I was 12. We were at a community pool and sparks were flying. Okay, maybe not so much. We were pre-teens and super goofy and awkward around each other. But give us a few years and we got on board with the whole not being awkward thing. At 14 years of age, we both admitted to one another our crushes (so middle school, right?) and started 'dating.' I put dating in air quotes, because we weren't technically allowed to date at the time, so it was more like supervised friendship with our parents or siblings always around. But it didn't matter to us, we were head over heels in love! Not out of the ordinary for middle schoolers, but what was different is that we actually made it. We made it out of the awkward tweens, the midde school years of unsurety, and the tulmutous time of high school, going off the college and finding yourself.

We've been together for over 10 years and are still as madly in love as the day we admitted our goofy crushes to each other at church. ;)

How have we managed to stay so in love. Two words. Healthy Communication.

So today, we're going to jump into our 5 tips for Healthy Communication from two middle school sweethearts. Ready for it? Okay, let's go!

1. UNDERSTANDING THEIR VALUES

Every person has different values, but we tend to treat people the way WE expect to be treated. And hey, the golden rule isn't a bad one. But sometimes, it plain doesn't work.

Why? Because we aren't all made the same. We grow up different, have different parents, varying life experience. Because of this, we ALL have different values and we can't EXPECT people to operate on our own. In our marriage, we've found that the love language tests online really help you determine what some of your values are. I really value quality time, where as Ryan really values words of affirmation. If I keep giving him my time, but never praise him or verbally thank him for what he does for me, he feels hurt. If he tells me how great I am, but doesn't make time for the little things I value, I feel hurt. So understanding your love languages and your values is a huge thing.

This is also a BIG conversation when it comes to money. (More on that it another podcast). But couples can definitely have different opinions on how money should be used and when. Neither viewpoint is evil or necessarily wrong, but making sure both people feel valued and heard is important. Before we even got married, we talked through our values and we continue to do this every year to make sure we are treating each other the way they dream of being treated.

2. DON'T BE AFRAID OF HEALTHY FIGHTING

Now, I'm not talking 'throwing chairs around the room'. But there is a healthy way to fight. Engage in conversation, even if it’s hard and could lead to tension. Fighting is better than passivity.
 
Disagreeing to have your thoughts known is not necessarily bad. We all got married with the hope to be known and understood, so that is PART of marriage. But disagreements turn into a problem when you are trying to wound the other person. Ryan and I fight, but we always, always, always try to remember to never wound, and to never attack the other person’s character or heart.

There have been times that I don't want to "fight," so I never mention that my heart is hurt from something. And then it's natural to resort to bitterness and passive aggressive comments that actually do MORE damage than the fighting even would have. So learn to EXPRESS yourself and ENGAGE with the one you love, even if it causes some tension. If you're both committed to not wounding the other person... but instead coming to a safe place together, you'll be all the better for it. 
 
3. MAKE THEM THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN EVERY ROOM

We learned this from my parents. As soon as my mom walks in a room, my dad takes notice of her. Whenever my dad is up on stage speaking, my mom leans over and makes a comment about how smart or goodlooking he is. It is clear they adore each other.

So whenever Ryan and I are out, we still make intentional action to notice the other person. Whether we are at church, at work, or out with friends, every few minutes we'll look at each other, Ryan will squeeze my hand, we'll send each other texts, or lean into one another. This let's the other person know, "hey, I know we're with all these people, but you are the most important person in this room to me." Being noticed and adored is a feeling that will give you butterflies in your tummy again. :)

4. BELIEVE THE BEST

Always believe the best about your spouse. Whether you're hurt about something they did or fighting with one another, understand that their HEART was probably not out to hurt you. Remember that they probably just operate on different values and don't even understand that the way they said "that one thing" could have been hurtful. Believing the best helps you FIGHT FAIR. Don't demonize your spouse. They are not the enemy and are rooting FOR you. Sometimes you just have to talk out your values to come to that place.

5. HAVE AN ANNUAL TIME TO RECONNECT

Every year, we try and do something special for our anniversary. And we don't just go on a trip, but we take that time to talk about our lives, debrief about our year, ask for forgiveness for the ways we may have hurt the other, find ways to do life better together, and talk through our future goals. Let's face it, we change. And if you're with someone for 10 years, they are going to change too. But you CAN fall in love with them in each new season....it just takes some intentionality. So be intentional. Check in with one another weekly, quarterly, yearly to make sure you are both doing your part and walking in sync. Sometimes you won't be and will need to re-adjust, and that's okay. But if you are committed to the other person, these meetings will be healing to your heart and will re-bond and re-connect you over and over again.

So that's it for today, folks! Our 5 tips to healthy community from us dorky middle school sweethearts. To hear all the stories, listen to the podcast above and don't forget to leave us a review if you found it helpful!

(and here's a freebie for ya, a very embarrassing yet adorbs photo of us when we first met.)

​Talk to ya later, friends! <3

​Amelia's birth was so beautiful and special that it's honestly a little hard to write about. Birth feels like something so sacred that even trying to put the emotions into words is difficult. There's a few moments in my life that feel almost too special to describe...my wedding was one of them and her birth was another.

But I don't want to forget. I want to remember how amazing it all was, which is why I'm so glad my family was there to witness and document it for me. At first, I really wanted a midwife, but it was very difficult to find one covered by our insurance. So we opted to do a hospital birth with a doctor. We ended up loving our doctor and felt he was super kind and open to our needs and hopes.

Amelia's due date was March 19th, but they thought they could have gotten her due date wrong so they told me I could go to the 26th. We waited that whole week. It was such a rollercoaster of emotions waiting for her arrival. I was doing squats, yoga ball bounces, hip swivels, and all kinds of stuff to try and induce natural labor. :) 

Finally, on the night of the 25th, I got a pregnancy massage and had a funny feeling that maybe it would trigger all the birth hormones.

Sure enough, at 1:15ish AM on March 26th, I woke up in a pool of water on the bed. I wasn't in labor at that point and was still feeling really good. I excitedly woke Ryan up and called my mom to tell her my water broke. We decided to wait until contractions kicked in to go in, so I packed my bag some more, watched New Girl, and anxiously waited in bed.

I fell asleep and then woke up in severe pain at 2:30 AM. It was odd, as I went from having no contractions to intense contractions about 5-6 minutes apart within an hour.

Ryan kept asking me to leave, but I wanted to wait as long as I could. Finally, I really couldn't talk through them and had to lay in a ball on the floor. At that point, I figured it was time to go in. :) It felt like my body was being squeezed by an outside force trying to turn my tummy inside out. 

As we grabbed our stuff around 4:30 AM, I filmed the below video. We called my parents and texted friends to pray.

Laboring in the car is the absolute worst, and Ryan was awesome and would help me count down a minute from when the contraction started to keep me focused on the fact that the pain would end. We played Beyonce on the 20 minute car ride there and it rained outside. It felt scary and magical...and like we were on the precipice of everything.

We finally got to the hospital and when I got checked, the contractions got severely worse. I was only 1 cm dilated and was super discouraged because the contractions were so close together. I couldn't rest in between at all.

They moved me to the laboring rooms and I kept asking Ryan where my mom was. They asked me so many questions, and I couldn't even think straight so wanted her there to help me know what medical things they were trying to say.

Ryan was so sweet. He held my hand and let me squeeze it as hard as I could when a contraction came on. He even stayed in the bathroom with me when I needed to use it because I was so scared to be alone. I was so embarrassed, but he was the most kind and servant hearted husband ever.

Finally my parents arrived around 7 AM. Like superheroes, they charged in the room. :) They are birthing pros.

Because I was giving birth in a hospital, I wanted my mom there as a support, but to also act as my advocate in case any of the nurses pressured me to do anything I didn't want. She has had 5 kids and was amazing at rooting for me during the birth and making sure I knew what each nurse was doing. My dad, (the most compassionate dad of all time) rubbed my head and talked me through contractions with Ryan. 

Finally, at about 6 hours in, I looked up at my mom and told her that I didn't think I could do it much longer. I was falling asleep between contractions and had started to shake and throw up. She knew that I wanted to try a natural birth with no epidural, but I told her prior that I knew my body. If I asked for it, it meant I really did want it.

So at 4 cm dilated, I decided that for my own peace, I needed rest. I couldn't even think straight and, from dealing with very intense anxiety in the past, I didn't want to bring my baby into an environment where I felt scared or unsure. I was so upset at myself for 'giving in,' but my mom was awesome at reminding me how brave I had been for over 6 hours and that my choices are up to me to decide. Getting the epidural didn't mean my body wasn't still powerful and incredible.

After the epidural, everything changed. There was still pain, but I could think again. I was so elated and ecstatic to feel good again that I was laughing and singing and over the moon.

I invited my whole family in the room with me, as I felt incredible and wanted all the people who were closest to me to remember the moment with me. 

After a couple hours, I started to feel immense pressure again. This time it felt like someone was crushing my tailbone. I shared with a nurse that I thought the epidural was wearing off.

She checked me and told me that I was actually ready to push! She could feel the baby's head! Ryan had ran to grab coffee, since we thought the labor would slow down. So we excitedly called him and told him he had to hurry.

When he got there, my whole family prayed over me, for the delivery, for Amelia, for her life, and for our life together. And then it was time to push. As I started, the nurse said that my pushing was weirdly strong and that the baby was passing through the canal very fast, so she had to hurry and get our doctor quick. I attribute it to all of the pregnancy squats I did! :)

​This time of pushing was my absolute favorite. There was pain and laughing and tears and it was incredible. There is such a euphoric feeling knowing that you are doing something miraculous, that nothing else in the world matters. 

​Ryan and my mom held my legs and cheered me on. In the next few photos is when Amelia's head started to emerge. I had a mirror, so I could see her and Ryan started bawling. It was so beautiful. (but don't worry, the doctor's head is oh so strategically placed as to not reveal anything on camera to you ;)

​And with a few more pushes, I felt her whole body come out and they placed her on my belly. Amelia Jo had arrived!

She was still sticky and sweet from my belly and was 7 lbs 12 oz. She didn't scream right away and we were a little worried, and then she let out the biggest most ear piercing cry ever and we all laughed. 

​Amelia Jo, welcome to our lives. You were born in a room full of love and laughter and joy and celebration. We sang and prayed you into the world and I hope you felt that warmth and adoration as you came into your new life. We will take care of you, cherish you, and adventure with you always. 

We were hoping to get maternity photos done in our last month of pregnancy, but funds were limited. So we decided to take our own maternity photos, with the awesome help of our amazing sister. It was such a fun day of running back and forth to look through the camera to see if they came out and then run back to posing. People probably thought we were a little crazy, but I am so happy we have these sweet memories together. <3

These were shot at about 36 weeks and my good friend loaned me some denim overalls that are my absolute fave of all time. (Eeek, overalls forevs). This pregnancy has flown by and I'm so happy to have these sweet photos to document how much I love Ryan and the little baby we made together. 

See you in a couple weeks, Amelia!

Now that the first trimester is over, I wanted to blog an update to remember all of the
wonderful & weird things that happened during these last few months. 

This is my first pregnancy and reaching the second trimester is such a gift. Not only
because I'm hoping the morning sickness will fade, but the pregnancy risk is much
​lower and something I won't need to continually fear. Praising God for the protection and continual prayers.

But the last couple months have been exciting ones!

On a hot day in August of 2005, I met Ryan Antos. We were friends at first 
and then some years later, he told me he liked me. We were 14 years old, little and  awkward, but even in those years, we knew we loved each other so. It's been almost 10 years since the day when we confessed our affection to each other. As a teenager, I was terrified of the day we would separate. I was a realistic kid and I knew it had to come....young love never lasts. And so everyday I would write in my journal that if God could give me anything, I would ask for him. 

At 19 years old, Ryan asked me to marry him and my faithful prayers, scribbled in a
worn journal came true.

We've been married over 4 years, and it has been everything I could have dreamed.
We've walked through hard things like everyone, sure. But I have been loved enough to
last me a lifetime and I have loved enough for a lifetime, and to know we still have a
​lifetime yet to love one another brings me so much joy.

In June, we had started to talk about kids,
but weren't sure if we were ready yet. We
​were both really enjoying our careers and
adventures. We traveled so much and I had
this weird, irrational fear that once a kid
came, all of it was over. So we decided that maybe we would wait another year.

At the end of June, God woke me up in the
middle of night and told me that I needed to start praying for my future baby and for
the faith to not believe my irrational fears.
I don't often have midnight God experiences
​(though I wish I did!), so this was pretty
significant.

So I committed that every morning, I would take a good chunk of prayer time and pray
for our one day child and that God would prepare my heart and my faith for that time. I knew there'd be fear, but I prayed an end to the fear that kept stopping me from even
considering becoming pregnant. I was praying all of this with 2018 in mind of course, so we weren't taking any big risks and it was all purely for the future. ;)

Fast forward 3 weeks....

On a Tuesday night in July....on the way to a photoshoot, I stopped at home because I felt sick. I had a weird thought that I should take a pregnancy test....fully knowing there was no possible way to be pregnant.

​But lo and behold. 

I didn't really believe it when I saw it. I thought I had taken it wrong. I kind of just
pretended it hadn't happened because I was alone and freaking out, I told my dog,
filmed a quick video just in case it was true, and went on my way.

When Ryan came home later, I dropped the news, he was so shocked and overjoyed, and then we went to Target, where I took a bunch more tests. All positive. It felt a little
surreal. I didn't know how to respond and was just kind of in shock. Especially because only Ryan and I knew what I was praying for. (and of course, I've always prayed for our future kiddos, but this was a much more specific type of prayer that I was coincidentally beginning to pray WHILE I was pregnant). God is cool and weird sometimes.

Check out our pregnancy announcement video here.
​

I wish I can say the fear went away after
that, but the fear carried on for about 3
weeks. I stuck with my faith prayers and
​worked through it. I blogged about some of my specific fears and how I conquered
​them over at this blog post.

And I know you never stop being fearful,
but I believe in big faith and targeting
specific fears that cause anxiety, so that's
what I did.


​This is something I learned after dealing with trauma and I've taught myself (with some help from good friends) how to heal (continually and in every new season) from the
​kind of fear that crosses into unnatural anxiety. It isn't easy, but it's possible.

My fear eased up and faith and confidence started to kick in as we moved forward. Our month was a little crazy after that. 6 days after finding out, I hopped on a plane to host a 500 person event with Trades of Hope and my team. I had many speaking roles and
​hosting duties, and it was a little overwhelming with my new-found pregnancy and the onslaught of morning sickness. But all of our Compassionate Entrepreneurs were SO
​sweet to me and made it the BEST experience.

​A couple months later, we were hit with Hurricane Irma and our entire town shut down for a week. Everyone was hunkering down, boarding up windows, and buying enough junk food to last them to the end of the world. It was a little crazy, but we got through
​it and were not negatively impacted other then some flooding on our street. Our poor
​town is still recovering though!

​Around this time, I began to start to feel super comfortable being pregnant and was
​starting to really understand my body and it's needs.

I found that, at least for me:

- I had morning sickness and the throw ups every morning, but it was not as bad as I thought it'd be. Honestly, you get used to everything. As long as I didn't let it interrupt my day and get me down, I could deal with it fine. (TMI: Also, drinking a TON of water as soon as I got up helped me throw up clean and easy without vomiting important calories. I just replaced the water later).

- Swallowing and digesting harsher food was a lot harder, so I need to drink water with every meal or I'd get indigestion. (Something I never had before). I wasn't exhausted or overly emotional like many said I'd be. Honestly, other then feeling a little bloated and having morning sickness, I felt pretty much like Chelsie. And I liked that. So far, so good! Not trying to diminish anyone else's experiences, but I like to share the good just in case it encourages someone too.

- Gaining weight is a lot harder then everyone told me it'd be, just because of my body type. So I have to intentionally go out of the way to eat more foods. I just
really like my fruit, guys! 
​
- Exercising helped being sick, but lifting weights made me dizzy so walking helped a TON.

- Getting good books to research pregnancy INSTEAD of googling (and seeing all those terrifying, fear mongering things) was SUPER helpful in managing fear.

So maybe those will help you! Or maybe they'll just be for me to look back on and
remember. ;)

Right at the end of the first trimester and the tailend of Hurricane Irma, we hopped on a plane to Washington D.C. I'm helping homeschool my brother this semester (#homeschoolkidsunite) and we planned a fun trip to help him learn some history. (Plus, it was nice escaping to some AC as we were out of power for a good part of the week).

So Ryan and I had fun galavanting around D.C., visiting our friend Elisabeth, seeing the historical sites, and visiting Mount Vernon. It was here that I was certain I saw my belly bump for the first time. I'm kind of lanky, so it's hard for others to see, but there is
​definitely a little something going on.

Apparently, I'm now 15 weeks this week, instead of the 14 I thought. We went in for our 2nd appointment and heard the baby's heartbeat again and scheduled our appointment for finding out the gender, which is exciting! 

​Anyway, that's kind of a recap for you and somewhat for me. I want to remember all of my experiences and I love blogging, so I figured I'd let you in on some of the updates as well.

For the next few months, we have lots of exciting things planned including a trip to the mountains to see the leaves, a birthday/costume party, a gender reveal party, and a
Harry Potter marathon.

And of course, we are still adamantly praying in big faith for our baby and all that
​he/she will be one day.

Until the next update. Thanks for reading, sweet friend!

​Chels

P.S. The formatting is wonky in this blog post. I spent forevs trying to fix it and finally 
gave up, but so sorry if it was weird to read because of it. <3

It's official! We've made it through the first trimester and all is well with our little kiddo.

We're not sure yet if it's a boy or girl, so I've lovingly been calling him/her 'baby groot,' a name no one thinks is very cute UNLESS they've seen Guardians of the Galaxy. ;)

But the first trimester is no piece of cake. Throwing up every morning while trying to be a girl boss is harder then I thought it would be, so I've got three tips for all those first time millennial moms-to-be.... who are maybe terrified about what is to come or just need some words of encouragement.

For me, finding out I was pregnant was a joyous thing. And then the terror set in. I love leading my company, traveling the world, speaking, and showing up for work everyday. Every calling is valuable, but the calling God has put on my life for this season has always been coupled with the business I've helped grow and run. With my pregnancy announcement, I felt this very weird, self imposed doom and pressure that my work and travel days were over. It was a sinking, frightening feeling.  (Also, the couple people that have decided to tell me "enjoy this time before the baby comes, because you'll have no time and no life afterwards" may have set me off a bit).

After talking to many of my millennial girlfriends, I find that this is a common fear for my age group (an age group that is increasingly pursuing entrepreneurship.... and wants parenthood and entrepreneurship to co-exist.).

Our generation's values have shifted a bit and some of us are scared of WHO we have to become in order to be a mother, as it may look different then tradition.

But no matter, let me speak truth for a second. YOU are still YOU when you're pregnant and your baby is just a beautiful addition to your life. And if you live as fully YOU while pregnant and after, your baby will be all the better for it.

​WHO you have to be is exactly YOU.

I promise. My mom lived this truth for me. She loved us kiddos with all her heart, but we were a part of her and my dad's sweeping adventure, not the other way around. And I firmly believe that seeing my parents live out their unique them-ness created healthy, happy kids in us.

So three things I'm learning and reminding myself of through this wonderful, scary, weird ride: 

1. Your pregnancy and mommyhood can look however YOU want it to

If you desire to stay home and have the ability to, do it. If your personality was built to work full time, do it. If you want to travel with a baby on your back, go for it. If you're longing to homeschool your kiddos, pursue your calling.

My family traveled, ran businesses, homeschooled me, and brought me along on all their adventures.

Their life did not stop when I showed up, but they immediately immersed me in the fullness that was them.

I was a part of their love story, their adventures, and their passion for this life. And I loved growing up that way. I always felt part of something bigger than myself, and that gave me security and a love for life.

Just do you. And don't let anyone else define what it needs to look like. The adventure does not end when a kid comes around. Your story can become sweeter, deeper, and more full.  

2. Start creating your own affirmations to speak over yourself.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I was super happy. And then about a week in, the fear set in. I wasn't super maternal...so how could I be a good mom? I work too much and really don't want to stay home....would I mess my kids up? I have an amazing closeness with my husband and don't want it to go away....what if it does?

These are all erroneous thoughts that fear tries to plant in our minds. That fear will come and all of us deal with it. But creating 'affirmations' or statements of truth really do help you continually overcome fear. 

So I sat down and wrote out five affirmations that I repeat to myself everyday.
They can be super simple or more complex, but they have to attack the root fear you feel and replace that thought with truth. For me, many of my private ones turn into prayers of faith over my family and child.

Some examples:
My work ethic, strength, passion, and drivenness will teach my kids how to love their life and work hard for something they love.

My adventurous spirit will show my children how to embrace and fully live life.

I will make time to do what I love in my career AND spend time with my kids.

Traveling will teach them to appreciate this world, love everyone, and to adapt to change.

My relationship with Ryan will change and become even deeper and better.... because of what we created together.

These are just some examples. I challenge you - whether you're pregnant or just terrified of one day being pregnant (like me) - start creating your own and speaking them over yourself now.

3. Keep the adventure alive through pregnancy

It can be tough to still feel fun when you're sick and bloated. But don't stop doing the things you love because of it. Take a ride down to the beach, go hike your favorite national park, have a game night with your husband, go on a mini roadtrip with friends. I have intentionally placed fun things through out the next few months that remind me of who I am and what I love. I love to travel. I love adventure. I love community. And yes, my life will change. But I can still live fully in those things while pregnant and with a child.

Keep those little reminders by intentionally planning you-like activities through-out being pregnant. This, just like affirmations, will remind you of who you are and what brings you joy. ​

You millennial mom-to-be (or one day mom to be): Remember that life does not end when you have a kid. You are still you and no one can make you not YOU. You control the way you parent, the way you work, the joy you have, and the life you want. So don't let society or any negative Nancys tell you what kind of 'mom' you have to be.

There is no right way for anyone, but by living as fully yourself while you're pregnant and when you have your baby, you will find so much more joy. And you will teach that precious child how to do and find the same thing.

We can do this together, friends. 

​We celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary yesterday and I love Ryan more than I ever have before. Most years since we've been married, I've made an anniversary video about our year together.

In truth, our life is wonderful. But there are hard things and last year, I struggled with how painful life truly can be. Choosing joy didn't feel like an option with what I went through. Through it, Ryan loved me and helped me find a way to see this beauty again. But I make these videos for us every year because, though life can be painful, these moments in the video are what I remember. Even in pain, Ryan has been by my side helping me see this joy, community, and abundant life in everything. And we've together chosen that when we look at life, we will see these things and we will work hard to choose joy. This year we've found so much of this joy in our friends, family, and community.

​Ryan, thank you for walking with me through darkness and taking my hand toward the light. When I look back, I see the fingerprints of God all over this life. You are the strongest most tender man I know and I am always in awe that somehow you picked me. Even in the hard things, how sweet this life is with you and how full of goodness. I hope you see the absolute joy you bring me through this video. I love you with all my heart. Happy Anniversary.  <3
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