i will love you through the muck and darkness of your sin. and you will love me through the disfigurements that human life has gifted to me. and perhaps the most beautiful thing of all is the fact that we can look at each other, covered in mud and filth, and see Jesus shining through. i love you because i love him.

there are so many of us doing things and so many great things being done and so much competition for better things. can anyone ever be an expert anymore? can anyone ever be the best? no. there are simply millions of others who can do it better, and that thought in itself is slightly disheartening. that perhaps, every small and large thing you do will be bested. and you must be okay with being an unknown contributor. and you must love what you do because it makes you happy. and you must wake up every morning loving small things and not the things people believe about you. you must be made happy by your painting, you must shoot the world the way you long to see it, you must run as fast as you can, write because it helps you breathe, dance because you know you need to. you must do these things to add one small ounce of happiness back into the world. and though this happiness may never be traced all the way back to you, i will feel it, and others too, and i thank you for being unknown and alive and joyful. 

Check out the new photo shoots I've been busy shooting this month here!

drowning. the icy blue is calm and lonely and hurts my heart. they say it’s the most peaceful way to die and i believe it. it is silence and sound all at once. every memory dances to me across the salty sea and i am visited by friends. gold creatures hug my legs and pull me down, down, down. your voice whispers to me and i decide that if i could have anything fill my lungs over and over again, it would be you. and i pretend the water is you. and i drink you. i feel you. i hear you. you hold my hand as i dance with the waves. you kiss me through ripples and currents. down into the depths and all i see is quiet. and then you whisper to me. your invisible mouth brushes my lips and asks me to choose. choose between the floods of peace and the chaos of you. i choose you. i choose you. i choose you. the water tempts me back to the grave of pirate ships and worlds of sunken nations, mermaids long forgotten, but i cannot go, not if i never hear your heart beat again. and so i fight. i choose chaos and not peace, and i know it’s right. my feet kick the sleepy tentacles of water and my hands search for you. you guide them upwards. and then the lonely peace breaks. the expanse of blue serenity ends and my hands feel cold air. they feel pain and hurt and tears and the noise of life is deafening. my stomach doubles over with shock. my lungs seize up and panic. strong hands pull me into a fisherman’s boat. i am lost. i am found. i found peace. but i chose you. i ride toward the shore and i choose you. again. and again. and again. and again.