darkness defeated

once upon a time.

we were all children. beautiful and unfiltered, bold and untainted. we ran through meadows without shoes, we kissed frogs, and laughed at nothing, we marveled at little moments…not understanding what the big picture of anything was. we hugged whoever we wanted, we let our hair tangle and our voice go hoarse and we loved. my, how we loved. we loved without question, seeing beauty in all and letting our little hearts fill the spaces and holes and brokenness of others.

and then we thought we woke up.

we suddenly snapped out of something. the colors of the world suddenly went gray. we stopped marveling, stopped wondering, stopped doing things merely for the sake of making our eyes light up. we looked at the big picture now. and the big picture painted ugliness over our lives. we tried to love, but only saw cracks, and pain, oozing, and filth. when we could not love others, we looked to ourselves and tried the simple task of liking our own hearts, something that once came easy and freely. we could not do it. we destroyed ourselves, ripping our own heart to shreds. we were left broken and convinced that our childlike life was a mirage, a mere time built from the hopes of our imagination, of our rose colored glasses, a time good only because we could not see the truth. and this truth is that life is ugly, filthy, dirty, and dark. we thought we found the truth and this false truth enslaved us.

and then……we wake up.

truth. it’s a glimpse. one night, you’re deep in work on your computer, worry line crinkled between your eyes, fear rooted deep in your heart. suddenly, your husband grabs your hand and whispers in your ear. he wants to go night swimming. something you haven’t done in years. you hem and haw and you whine about work being left undone. but he carries you to the lake anyway. you know it’s freezing, but he makes you count to three and you both cannonball.

it’s a glimpse.

as you emerge from the icy water, life swings into place again. you gaze at the stars and feel the cold seep into your bones and look at your sweetheart through eyelashes of teardrops and lake water. the big picture can wait. there is only now. there is beauty. and every second is a lifetime and every person is made for love. the gray has passed away and the night is not black, but shades of purple, and blue, and made up of a glorious light that can only be seen when the night is there to reveal it. our childlike wonder grew scabbed over with darkness. but darkness cannot put it out. the light will creep through. this night. more nights. it will creep through until you break, and you will wonder why you break and why you hurt and why you know there is more, but it is because beauty is growing again, stronger than the first time and with an understanding of what it costs. 

you were a child once. but then you knew darkness. and darkness taught you the freedom of light. and then you were a child once more, living in the truth of darkness defeated.